away...

it's 4:30 am now.
i'm at the airport, waiting to board my flight to Siem Reap, Cambodia.
it's going to be a 3D2N trip.

things had been really bad for me for the past couple of weeks...
work... family...
i need some time away from everything...
time to reflect... time to cool down... time to find myself once again...

hope that this trip will be the breather that i'm so much in need of...

in serious need of a breather...

things have not been going well for me recently...
work for one...
now family matters...
i was informed that the health condition of my grandma is deteriorating...

i'm not a man of faith but... i'm praying in hope that things wouldn't become worse than they are now...

running low...

my work place has been shifted again...
this time to the east side of singapore and i lived in the west side of singapore...

for the past 3 weeks, i had been spending 3 to 4 hrs travelling to and fro work everyday...
and that's just the distance...

talk about the new office?
it's a shabby military building which by the way is older than me...
and we have rats scrambling around... and guess what... baby cobra(s) too...
apparently someone caught sight of a baby cobra in one of the rooms there, took a picture of it and forwarded it to everyone at work...

work?
to me, work's shit everywhere... it's just how well we are paid for the shit we faced everyday...

had a short talk with my mum this morning just before i leave for my weekly tennis session.
she asked me about work and about my plans on going for the professional certification i've been talking about for quite some time...

my management ain't approving my request of a 1 month no pay leave (to attend the course)
so that means i have to push back all my plans... most probably to the end of the year or maybe even next year...

basically, working life's a total turn-off now...

what about life outside work?
nothing much i can say or i wanna talk about...
nothing to look forward to... nothing there to perk me up in anyway..

for those who know me well enough.
i'm a planner type of person. i always have plans for everything...
and i would put in all my efforts in doing anything and everything within my powers...
hoping to see that my dreams/wishes come true...

but everytime when i thought things are going smoothly, something would go wrong...

i'm always slower than others in my life...
slow till the point... where others might have experienced somethings or done somethings a couple of things and here i am... still waiting for my chance...

what hurts the most by Rascal Flatts

A song i'm hooked onto...
maybe it's the melody, maybe it's the lyrics or maybe it's the feeling that stirs up inside of me when i listen to this song...

and a music video made up of scenes from one of my fav tbee series - House.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

(Not seeing that loving you)
That’s what I was trying to do

this blog...

is like a diary which i had never kept...
a place where i dumped all my thoughts... feelings... and experiences...

the entries...
some shown to the world,
some saved as drafts...

i was never good at articulating myself...
and sometimes i ended up being misunderstood by others...
And for some of the thoughts and feelings that i wanted to shout out from my heart so much...
i chose to hide them in this little "black box" of mine...